Talking about time.

I've done with school. I said that. And I've done it. No more school. I hate that word. Torturing my mind.. But I somehow became stupid. I missed them. School, teenage, teachers, friends, time.. Now what? What next? Works? Marry? Children? Old? Die?? Die?? Why should we done this?!! I hate that. We were born to die. Our existence is the way to extinct. I hate passing away. I feels like dropping off my past.. What should I do
now? I have no future. I know nothing about it. Yet it's hurting me... The bigger the steps, the bigger the responsibility. What is future actually? The thought of something running through me. Should I be born? Should I? Should I denying my own existence? Why should we get this. Past can't be bought. But I'm drooling for it. Everyone does. Do you ever thinks of somethings like "If I could go back to the past, I would never done that." or maybe thinking of your grades, education, friends, love. Mostly you would. Well, there's something that had always running through my mind. If I grown up later, could I remember for everyone that had participating in my life? Even though a beggar across the street. Or someone that I had talk to, though it had just a few second.. I don't have friends. If you thinks you're one of my friends, so you've got it wrong. Cause you had already got someone in your life. Your own best friend. People had always noticing them although that their friend is just around the corner. Surrounding.. Every places, every times, and you'll never had noticed about it. Things will changes when they had gone. Leaving the world to obtain an eternal live. You are absolutely going to realizes that. But for me, I still had nothing. I'm not a smart person to be with. And I'm admitting that I'm the most troublesome to my family. Since I'm a kid, people around me always thinks that I'm weird. And easy to get bullied. Even my teacher does. She said that I'm talking to the wall. And I did. I'm weak. Weak. Weak. I have nothing in my mind. I'm useless. There's a circle around me. Everyone hate me. But I don't care. I never care. I've let that passing away. My treasure. My precious time. I'm just wasting it on stupid things. Imagine of someone you had known, that you had just talked to them in just a few second ago, had passed away before your eyes. I hate forgetting people. I hate forgetting about everything. Yet I'm about to be older than now. From the eighteen years I had live, I would have live more longer than that. Trying to survive. Trying to not forgetting people. Trying hard to not being forgotten. Being old is hurt. We are marching towards the death. Towards the doomsday. Returning to our origin shapes, Our dimension, and leaving away this body. On these dimension. Never to come back. Ever. I hate the word 'leaving' as it's hurts so much. Leaving everything.. No exception. Say, my little sis had a conversation with me. We talks about things. Dead. Things that are dead.Although they have no feelings, I always feels some kind of feelings to not leaving it. What I had though that it should be putted on it's own place. Where it has come from. Their origin. It's might sounds like "put it back where you had found it", and I really scared to missing that. I hate the 'miss' word. I never wanted to missing somebody. Either the one I have known, or the one that I had never though of. I hate missing, because we are made up to changes the world to a better place. Not to destroy it. That's really makes sense, on how you should said that "Practice makes Perfect". Well, do I have the right to hate that?